I have always prided myself on not being the junkie of the family.
And then, I tried giving up Coke.
Above is a shot of me at 31 weeks pregnant (with Harlow) taken by my gorgeous photographer friend, Steve Young. Gosh, he makes me look good. Even heavily pregnant and with paper g-string (fake) tan lines. Yeah.
At this point in my pregnancy, I had been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I had suffered the same fate during my pregnancy with Luca (but not with Ziggy in the middle). To best manage GD, a careful diet and daily exercise is paramount. Coke is out.
Except Coke couldn't be out because I couldn't imagine getting through a day without it. So I found ways to keep it in - eating less, sometimes to the point of actual hunger. Instead of eating more nutritious, blood sugar regulating foods, I opted to be hungry and suck down liquid sugar (and chemicals).
I feel like you might be judging me now. Because I am definitely judging me. Writing those words makes me wonder why I did it. How I could do it. I was carrying my precious baby girl - if that wouldn't make me stop, what would?
On the day of this shoot, I ate a salad wrap, some macadamias and then the drink machine in the studio proved too tempting and hence, these shots. I posed shamelessly and we had a good laugh because they are pretty hilarious.
Except on that other level where they're not.
It has been eight days since I last drank a Coke.
Day 1 and 2 it was headaches, day 3 was nausea, day 4 was bargaining (if Bren buys a Coke, I can just have one little sip), day 5 and 6 were bone tiredness and the last two days, I am feeling a profound sadness at the damage I have been doing to my poor body all these years.
And of course, running through the entire 8 days have been varying degrees of desire for an icy cold glass of the black doctor. I can taste it, feel the sensation of the fizzing bubbles in my mouth. The sound of the ring pull cracking open an aluminium can represents everything that is good to me.
I sound like an insane person.
I sound like an addict.
Because I am. Addicted to caffeine, addicted to the obscene amount of sugar contained in each can.
So I am sad and relieved and missing it and thanking god that I have finally taken this leap. I am a grown woman and there is no room in my life for this habit anymore.
And the kicker is that in the last eight days, despite withdrawing from substances widely known to be a bitch to kick, I have been a better person. Calmer, happier and a much, much better mum. No longer on that rollercoaster of sugar rush, sugar crash. It was making me insane. And very shouty.
But I did it. Am doing it. They say it takes 21 days to change a habit. I am on the way.
But back to the photo session. Was this whole post just a ploy to show you my heaving bosom again?
Steve had his clever people whip up the shot above and also, the one below. I considered sparing you my boobs again but then I thought, as if!
Thanks, Stevie. xxxx